Dwarves ahoy!

GET A LOAD OF THIS: First-look photos from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

LINKS: Follow The Hobbit on Facebook; watch the first teaser trailer for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

If there's one thing that we know about hobbits, it's that they don't really kick a lot of (butt), you know? If you need someone to host an unexpected party, or crave a basket of mushrooms, or check out an awesome map with secret writing, or live in a hole in the ground (though not a nasty, dirty wet hole, or a dry, bare, sandy hole), then a hobbit is probably pretty close to the top of the list. A hobbit would never miss a nuncheon, but he probably couldn't make heads or tails of a truncheon. Hey, hobbits are lovers, not fighters. So it's no surprise, really, that Peter Jackson's "get the word out" approach to his two-film adaptation of The Hobbit is light on Bilbo Baggins — who's only, like, the guy in the title of movie — and heavy on dudes who look like they're ready to cleave some orcs in two, ideally in a rainstorm and preferably with lots of seething CGI hordes in the rear of the frame. Hey, world, there's a bunch of awesome battles in this one, too. I mean, only one, really, and it's way at the end of the second movie. And, technically, it doesn't have any oliphaunt-surfing, dwarf-tossing, or Nazgul-baiting. It's going to be rad, though.

OK, fine the dwarves are important to the movie. Only a couple of them get a lot of face time in Tolkien's book, but Thorin has a strong character arc and his companions as a collective presence are essential to Bilbo's growth. Let's have a look at the gang. That's Thorin up above, by the way:

L-R: Nori, Ori and Dori

L-R: Oin and Gloin

L-R: Fili and Kili

L-R: Bombur, Bofur and Bifur

L-R: Balin and Dwalin

I dig most of the costume and makeup work that's been done here. I never really pictured Dwalin as being the heavily tattooed, Conan-sized, war-hammer-wielding enforcer of the bunch, but I wouldn't get between him and his morning coffee, or whatever dwarves use to snap out of that 5 a.m. haze. All of the armor and gear of war, much as it panders to a certain segment of Jackson's Lord of the Rings viewership, does at least seem appropriate to the mission the Dirty Dwarvish (Baker's) Dozen has appointed itself. You don't set off intending to mess with a treasure-hoarding dragon in your feast day frock and lace-trimmed knickers. The hairstyles are fun, too, even though Bifur could probably use a trim and Fili and Kili are maybe a bit too ready for a starring role in a shampoo commercial. And Nori maybe gets some help from Dori and Ori rockin' the old starfish 'do every morning? (Do dwarves take along their scissors, combs and hairpins when they go on a quest?) The posed, GQ magazine look of the whole thing suggests that sets and locations aren't in the mix yet. Or maybe those are greenscreens (grayscreens?) and the Middle-earth environs will be added in post. There's still plenty of time to fix and fiddle with things before Christmas 2012 ... at least as long as the ancient Mayans were wrong about this.