Better to be Lucky than good

REVIEW, TAKE TWO: Further reflections on The Lucky One

LINKS: Daily Herald review of The Lucky One; Nicholas "Bill of Stratford" Sparks does not write romance novels, get it?

Zac Efron is the Leonardo DiCaprio of his time. Are they similarly gifted performers? Well, er, they both make a living from acting. Efron did just fine, for example, in that thing where he switches bodies with Matthew Perry. Of course, not embarrassing yourself in 17 Again probably doesn't get you on speed dial with Inside the Actor's Studio. And while we could charitably say that Efron's performance in The Lucky One is wooden, is that really fair to wood? So the actual comparison to Leo is that Efron just looks young. So did Leo at the same point in his career, and that didn't really change for YEARS. Even as recently as The Departed, in 2006 (10 years after Titanic), DiCaprio hadn't really grown into the look of the guy in Inception or Shutter Island (both 2010). At any rate, don't sweat it, Zac. Most people wish that the finger of time would caress them so gently. The point of all of that, really, is just to mention that, beard stubble and all, Efron just looks young to be in a romantic relationship with Taylor Schilling. Schilling is 27, barely three years older than her co-star. She looks more mature than her age, however — it's not the kind of 27 where you can still get roles as teenage characters — and Efron looks quite a bit younger than 24. Like, younger enough that he could credibly be the son she had from a teenage pregnancy at age 14. It's probably not going to ruin the movie for anyone, but there it is. Other observations:

Let's get physical: Bar none that I can think of at the moment, The Lucky One has the most awkward scene of sexual intimacy that I've ever seen in a movie. Awkward in the sense that "Get a room, why don't ya," sure — most movie sex comes off like that — but much more so in the sense that, setting aside the soft golden light and the lilting/muted orchestral woo-woo on the soundtrack, it just looks clumsy and uncomfortable. Schilling's Beth makes a snap decision for some reason or other that she is going to break her off a slice of Logan cream pie (main ingredient: Efron), and rushes over to the fixer-upper where he lives by himself. Somehow or other, they end up doin' it standing up in the outdoor shower behind the house, both of them fully clothed, with the water running. Seriously? Who in real life would actually consider this a good, or even plausible idea? Sure, it looks impulsive and raw. Exciting, maybe — but only if you have no idea how lovemaking actually works. (Pandering to the young and uninformed, are we?) It's plain comical to imagine director Scott Hicks explaining the scene to Efron and Schilling. "OK, so this is what I want ... " For exactly how much of that conversation does everyone manage to keep a straight face? Only in the movies.

To have and to hold — continuously, everywhere, at all times: It's actually funnier in the movie's trailer. It just sort of glides past in the film itself. Logan tells Beth, "You should be kissed. Every day. Every hour. Every minute." It's the sort of sweet romantic exaggeration that needs to glide past. Because you can't take it seriously for a second. I showed my wife the trailer after I first saw it, just so we could both have a good laugh. The next morning, I walked up behind her in the kitchen and started kissing her neck. And kept going, and going, and going, until she got it and started to giggle. ME: "I'm calling in sick." MY BOSS: "Oh, OK. Is it bad?" ME: "Oh, I'm not really sick. It's my wife." BOSS: "Oh, OK. Is she all right?" ME: "She's fine. I just can't leave the house." BOSS: "What do you mean?" ME: "I have to kiss her." BOSS: "For the rest of the day?" ME: "Uh-huh. I can't ever stop, actually. Ever again. I have to keep kissing." BOSS: "Who is this really?"